Friday, March 27, 2015

Turn Around

The past few weeks have been..hard.

Depression and Anger. That's where I am right now,after my beautiful 3 yo was diagnosed with 17Q12 micro deletion syndrome.(in layman's terms,it's a chromosomal issue that happens during development. It didn't stop there,no,because it also means he's at risk for kidney cysts/dysfunction, autism,schizophrenia, seizures, and Maturity Onset Diabetes of the Young type 5. I'm not going to tell you that every item on that list doesn't makes me want to cuss up a blue streak and punch something,because I do. He doesn't currantly have any health issues but things make a lot more sense now..the low muscle tone,the jaundice at birth,the developmental and cognitive delays. Suffice to say the internet filled me in on the less rosy parts of the picture that the geneticist phone call did not.(the geneticist made it sound like just a slight 
form of Autism. We go next week for a sit down-hash out affair). Good thing is,he is currantly healthy but I just feel so woefully unprepared on dealing with it all.) Maybe it's not as bad as I imagine but my brain tends to go to worse case scenario,that's how I cope. It also means both parents 
have to be karotype AND 101 recessive disease tested and I'm currantly living in a form of Hades waiting for my labs to come back from that,because I might not have T1 diabetes,I might have MODY diabetes.(hence the genetic influence) 

One thing I know,it's something that excited new parents rarely think about..that that perfect little bundle of joy might have a genetic issue. I guess it feels like a part of me has died,because I'm just so worried for his future and who will take care of him if he needs it.(which the geneticist says most people are self sufficient but again,I go to worse case scenario). And if I have issues,well that will rule out having any more kids. 

(I know there's a lot of good people out there who I can lean on for support,and I thank you for that.)

Wednesday, March 18, 2015

Unconferencing the Ve(gas)ness

This is not a story about a group of people who went to Vegas and did whatever you do in Vegas. Because while some of that certainly happened,(High Roller-never again) the reality of those
few days went beyond that.

And while you are probably expecting to get a blow by blow account of the lovely warm fuzzy moments of what all happened (at said diabetes conference), that can't happen either. Solemn vows
were said (over unbreakable 100 mg/dl's, only not mine, because at no point was I that low) to not repeat/tweet/FB/spread on social media the happenings of said conference, to respect those
individual's privacy/feelings that are not so gung-ho about their words going all over the Internet. And I get that, kinda,and I agreed to that, but to fully digest what all went down I am
writing it (offline,in journal) down for ME and only me, (just the tips/general ideas,not the intensely private thoughts)because I need to remember what was said before I forget it all. Almost 2000 years worth of d-experience, packed in one was
pretty astonishing. It wasn't just sitting at a table and hearing a speaker droan on and on, there was life in this conference. (thereby different from every other conference I have ever
attended) Not that other conferences haven't been awesome, in their own special ways, but this one was about connecting.

And in a way, that muddy grey puddle of diabetes came ALOT clearer. It will never be pristine Carribean clear, but you couldn't help but to have learned a thing or too, nor too have (waves
hand) unleashed a tear or too, along the way. It's ok not to be perfect, it's ok not to be anywhere close to perfect, the only thing that is NOT ok is to let it steal all the moments of
goodness from this thing called life because it most certainly does try to do that. Some of the conference was particurally difficult, some of it was funny, but all of it was good for me.
Just for a moment, I could forget about chromosomal deficiences and eat, live, and breathe diabetes for 2 straight days. (fun, nu?) That it was mentally exhausting is no secret, but it was a
good kind of exhausting. I wish I could give it to EVERY struggling PWD out there.

And I'm so grateful for everyone who made it happen. Thanks to you, my D-Love Tank is full and my FB friend list has grown exponentially.

Thursday, March 12, 2015

Four Things (meme)

1. Four names people call me other than my real name: 



Heidi-Who(my dad)

Splenda(the hubs)

2. Four jobs I’ve had: 


Childcare center worker

Retail Distribution Center worker 

3. Four movies I’ve watched more than once: 

The Sound of Music(#1)

Mary Poppins

A Man Called Peter

Chariots of Fire

4. Four books I’d recommend: 

Little Women

Sweet blood

The Kid who ran for President

The Kite Runner

5.Four places I’ve lived:

Virginia,Mississippi,Virginia,Virginia,Virginia,Virginia,and Maryland.

6. Four places I’ve visited: 

Copenhagen, London, Niagara Falls,Hawaii

7. Four foods I prefer to not eat:

Squash,Sushi, Lima beans,cranberries.

8. Four of my favorite foods:



Anchovy pizza

Mashed potatoes

9. Four TV shows I watch: 

Downton Abbey, Greys Anatomy,Once Upon A Time, Red Band Society.

10. Four things I’m looking forward to: 

Vegas! Tomorrow, Friends for Life Orlando, Tslim Dexcom integration,Springgggg.

11. Four things I am always saying: 

It is what it is.

Would you like to do as Mommy asks or would you like to go to bed?

Splendid dreams.

Come here right now.

Wednesday, February 25, 2015

The Coldest Night

Last Friday, I took J in for an head MRI..which the developmental pediatrician ordered(can at least tell if the brain anatomy is normal and rule out that as a cause of his delays). It was a bitterly cold morning,-20 is so not my cup of tea to have to deal with early in the morning but J was fine with being woken up at 4:30 in the morning.(what can I say..he's his Daddy's son) We got there about 6:30,registered,and went back to the Children's Dept. There were two nurses getting him checked in,etc.,and then the nurse practitioner arrived to explain things,have me sign a consent form,etc. Being a 3 year old with sensory issues meant that nobody was going to touch him until he was sedated,& since Benadryl makes him extra hyper he couldn't drink juice with that in it. So all four of us adults had to hold him down while the NP put in an IV,& wait ten minutes for it to work. It was very harrowing. Procedure took about 45 minutes,and he slept for about 45 minutes in recovery. He did great. The nurse said he definatly made their list of The Top Five (Energetic,Wild) kids ever and it was a wonder if I got anything done. I told her that I didn't,unless he was at school. (To put things in perspective,they've done thousands of procedures) I've long suspected that
my child has the energy of five other young children but to hear someone else confirming said fact made me feel like not 
an overreacting mother. Of course I love him no matter what he's like but it feels
rather isolating (playgroups and church Sunday School are just straight up unmitigated disasters, I don't take him anymore because they aren't fun little events where mothers talk and babies play..mine would rather run into the street,parking lot,etc.) because no one in my circle has a child even close to what mine is and they don't get it. YOU GET IT is what I wanted to say,but didn't. They also told me I looked fabulous and I can count on one hand the number of times anyone other then my hubby has told me that,ever. Nurses rock,ya'll.(Everyone needs to be told they look fabulous at some point in their lives,even us ugly people) Anyway,it was empowering to me during a stressful situation. My boy woke up,asked for some juice,and fell asleep with his mouth open holding his graham cracker on the way out to the SUV.(it was cute and funny) By the time we got home,the sedative had nearly worn off.(it was fortunate that just one sedative had done the job,& he was back to normal the rest of the day.) Now we just have to wait on the results.

Thursday, February 12, 2015

In Defense of Kids(Everywhere)

Something happened this week. Something that ruffled all my Mama-Bear feathers, and got me out on the warpath. Something that hurt like the dickens and yet is just a small something in the whole parenting a child,probably not even a blip on the radar of a parent of a CWD. But it was a something to me.

Monday, J got in the bus in front of our house, and at 11:30 the bus brought him back. And as the aide was unbuckling him from his seat and he was excitedly running/squirming all over the back of the bus,the aide said the words "come here,you sweet demon" and laughing,like it was a joke. Quite frankly I don't think on my feet that well and loathe conflict,I was hoping it was a slip of the tongue. Well I got J from the bus,and Tuesday was a non-school day so I couldn't talk to the aide about it,but Wed I let her know what I'd heard and that it was not appropriate to be calling my child and I would appreciate it if she didn't,in the future. That went over about as badly as cussing her out would have.("I didn't do it! You heard that on another bus! I would never do that! I've been doing this for twenty years!") No,it was the after school bus,and yes,you were working that day and was the only aide on the bus? Ok. I know what I heard,have a nice day,bye. People do not react well when they think they will get in trouble. Clearly having a shoutout match on the street isn't going to solve any problems. I am going to go further up the chain of command (I think they should put a recorder in there or something) to make sure employees DO get that talking to about appropriate speech. Probably nothing else I can do.(clearly,an apology is never going to happen. And even if I talk to the bus company everyone will just deny it and make me out to be the over-reacting parent.)Mainly it's just 
drives home the fact that some people are going to take advantage of your kid,special needs or not,he can't understand what you said nor can he tell Mommy so you get off Scott-Free.(He has a speech and cognitive delay,for which he is getting school services.) Everyone I have dealt with with EI and the school have been great so far,and very helpful in working with J but I guess there's always going to be that one and that's what makes me scared,does other abuse happen and never get reported? I sure don't trust that aide anymore. Or the bus driver,who has very selective hearing.)

(no happy resolution to this one..except maybe if the aide could win the Powerball and go into permanent retirement. But there are others out there who have no business working with kids. The school system makes a big deal about safety and yet doesn't implement the things that kids need to stay safe. That's what terrifies me.)

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Be(ing) Me, Bravely

So much happened in 2014, that I didn't have the time (or inclination) to blog about. My blog has turned into a ghost town, with the occasional sighting of human life. (like, once every 5 months?) But really thats ok, because its better then the constant angst of one thing after another going haywire in my life. 2014 was the year of REDISCOVERY, and really, you'd have thought by this point in life I'd have my life plan pretty well mapped out, well, no. 
  Major highlights: getting baptized, joining the church in August, joining MOPS organization, getting my 10 year Eli Lilly award, having a .6 drop in my a1c, getting my back semi-straightened out by the chiropractor. Seeing my boy grow up from toddler to now chatty preschooler!(not in preschool yet but he just started Early Intervention services with the elementary school.)
  Major lowlights: getting pericarditis/flu/hospitilization/ spending the rest of the year on magnesium infusions. (pretty much a non stop bad health spree).
  But all in all, I have hopes that this year could be better. Regarding my magnesium issues, and after exstensive record keeping I feel like there is life at the end of the tunnel. I have figured out how much I need on a daily bases, and the right blend of various forms of magnesium to make that happen without being too much for my intestines. (kind of. Its a work in progress.) I have learned other ways to get magnesium in (foods, through the skin). It (level) will never be high but it may be enough to live without IV'S. (non fun fact: magnesium infusions are always given in Dextrose 5, which always jack up my blood sugars and the nurses wonder why. Why d'ya think?) Oddly enough, the foods that are the magnesium powerhouses are also the powerhouses for potassium, iron,Vit. C, etc. so I am eating alot healthier these days. So I'm currently testing my theories of "how much do I actually need" out, which is a bit nervewracking but I'm taking it by degrees(2,3,4, 5 weeks out) before getting IV's. (before discussing this with my nephrologist, who I don't really like or feel like he knows anything more then I do but kind of need him to write the orders)I feel very fortunate that my veins have held up, but I want them to start to heal from all the scar tissue and that is going to take awhile.
 I've also decided that random weird health circumstances seem to happen to me, more then most people I know and if I can't "have it all", then what I choose will be to have another child before that becomes an impossibility. I'm not going to get into all that via this blog, only to say that the a1c is perhaps the easiest part of that particular equation. Young J is now 3 years old, and so many things just feel incomplete with just one kid. (Your Experience may Vary) If that means putting nursing on the back burner for awhile so be it.) And things invariably get considerably less rosy, and more risky the older one gets. (diabetes non withstanding)
     So, in recap, I want 2015 to be a year of healing...a year of support, a year where I can begin to redream my dreams and a year of better control D-wise.

Wednesday, December 24, 2014

Dear Santa

Dear Santa,

It's late,& my tired brain is running on East Coast brain in a West Coast world so I shall attempt to be brief. All I want for Christmas is a cure,but in the absence of that, a sparkly Tandem Tslim/G5 Dexcom duo would get my heart pumping. Or Afrezza,(inhaled insulin)which I would utilize when I had a high that I wanted to get down very quickly. Or mini-dose glucagon,which would also be shelf stable & a one step process. Or a mn Artificial Pancreas that would keep my blood sugars on a much more even keel.(been there,got the tshirt) Or a test strip disentegrator...or a 3D printer that "prints"test strips. All of these are very much in the pipeline,& of especial interest to myself. I don't expect a cure,Santa,& quite frankly I'd rather have answers to my magnesium problem but fixing the blood sugars to be more like that of a mild type 2 elevated bg,well that would be pretty awesome in my book. Not to trivialize their difficulties but as a person who sees 250+ at least once a day,I would love to have that problem. Pancreatin' is hard,yo.(not to be confused with procreating)

Anyway,that's all for now,Santa. Chocolate is always welcome,but none of that crappy sugar free chocolate for me this year,thanks. Go real or go home.


The Impossibly demanding,difficult,& perpetually on the Naughty A1C List Heidi